Little Flower

Yesterday I worked flat out. The secretary upstairs who looks after the directors (and who is paid a heck of alot more than me becasue of that “status”) had me up with her all morning to go through Microsoft Word with her…….me…….the most junior of all the office staff had to explain margins and page layout to her! As a result, all my work had to be left go until after lunch.

Boy, was I glad I got my workout done in the morning before work. By the time I got home, I was even too tired to eat…but I made myself make dinner and have it, because I knew I’d only be picking later on.

Then my boyfriend texted to see why I hadnt texted him during the day (He usually gets at least one “im so bored”text!) and when I said I was so busy and wrecked now, he suggested a walk on the beach because it was gorgeous out. Weather’s supposed to change and get winter-like in the next day or so, so I took him up on his offer.

Now…the beaches in Dublin are most definately not as nice as the ones at home in Kerry….the Dublin beaches smell a bit when the tide’s out…and instead of mountains on the coast line like there is in Kerry, you have factory chimney towers!

But the walk was lovely….even though my boyfriend did try to throw me into some sludgy sand that was a bit smelly. Ruined my runners. When we got back to his car, I made sure his mat got a bit of the sludge….he’ll have a smelly car this morning! His own fault, of course!

But the walk was lovely. The beach was packed with kids, and people walking their dogs, runners, and couples like ourselves. By about 9pm the sun was setting and the sky went ruby red and it was gorgeous. It was the best evening I’ve had in a very long time.

Last Saturday when I weighed in I was back to square one….142lbs.  So feeling dejected, I went online and looked up the slimfast plan. Swore I’d never do it, but I was desperate. So when I finally found a shop that actually stocked the stuff…I bought enough shake powder, meal bars and snacks to last me the week. I started the plan on Tuesday.

 Before I started the plan, I weighed myself again….and I was 145lbs! Yikes! But I was good from Tuesday until today. Had my shake in the morning, a banana mid morning, a meal bar for lunch, a slimfast snack mid afternoon and a good dinner after work. Went to the gym 3 times last week too.

Weighed in this morning and I was 140lbs!!!!!! Yup, I’m liking this plan! I can only claim 2lbs weight loss for the Wildcats this week, because I didnt record the 145lbs on Tuesday….but I KNOW I lost 5 lbs with this plan in 4 days. Cant wait to see what I’ve lost next Saturday!!!

The best thing with this though, is that I dont feel awkward when I go out with my friends and they go for food. Because I know I can have a 600cal meal in the evening, I dont feel bad going into a restaurant and ordering. I can order healthy and still manage to stay under 600cal! Even planning a birthday dinner for my boyfriend in a few weeks time and looking forward to it!

So I think the clouds are lifting. Slept like a baby last night….it happens every 3 weeks or so when I’m totally exhausted. I dont want to jinx anything, but I think the steroid is starting to work on my nose. Didnt wake up this morning with cotton wool-like feeling in my mouth.

Today at work was madness. Was so busy. Turns out that the secretary that looks after health and safety in the office…isnt doing her job as well as she should be…so all her work is coming down to me! So I’m having to do work for all the contracts managers, surveyors, estimators and health and safety…….I really dont mind because I love being kept really busy. But I’m taking note, and it will be brought up at my pay review in the summer. One of the surveyors is even talking about training me in on programming so I can do that for him…cha ching!!!! All on the cv. All increasing my wage. And all my wage going towards college starting in September.

I decided today to smile..even if I didnt feel like smiling, I would smile. It really works!!! I couldnt believe how much better I felt by grinning even. And people smiled back which made it even better. I found it even made me remember good things. Made me realise how lucky I am…I’m healthy. I’ve a job I love. I’m living with people I dont hate (altogether). I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the entire world. At the minute…..for the first time in over a month……..I love my life. I realise I only have one, so I better make the most of the one I have.

So….if you’re having a crappy day/week/month…….just try a random smile.

“show me the way to go home………. I’m tired and I wanna go to bed…………. ”

 This is ringing in my head now…it’s 4:46pm and I dont finish work until 5:30pm….and my eyes are starting to close on me now! Had every intention of going for a run when I got home because it’s gorgeous outside…. but even the thought of the 3min walk home is making me feel knackered! And one of the girls from work is leaving for Australia tomorrow, so I’ve been told that I have to go to the pub after work for “one” with the rest of the gang. Fair enough…I mean, I’ll never see this girl again because she’s going home for good. But I’M SO TIIIIIIIIIIIRED (*in my best moany voice).

Anyway, as I was looking up stuff on the internet and trying to avoid doing work (!) I found this artical on goal setting and weight loss…..here’s the gist of it:

“You can’t control how much weight you lose, but you can control the efforts you make to lose it – so that’s what you need to base your goals on.For example, good goals would be:

1.       walk for 20 minutes each day

2.       go through the day without eating a biscuit

Bad goals would be:

1.       lose two pounds in a week

2.       lose lots of weight

These are things you can’t control, and could therefore leave you feeling deflated if you don’t achieve them.

When you’ve achieved one of your goals, tick it off – you’ll soon feel great within yourself, and lose the unwanted weight.”

It was a bit of an awakening moment for myself. From now on, I’m setting positive goals that will help me achieve weight loss….not weight loss goals. The weight will come off….once I have healthy exercise and nutritional goals to aim for on a daily basis.

Only 35min to go til end of work day………….roll on Friday!

It’s wierd that I didnt blog yesterday, but the internet was down at work so I couldnt log on.

Decided yesterday that I’d give my old taekwin-do club another bash, becasue they started their summer training and the times suit better with work. Went down to the class looking forward to workin my ass off and getting really sweaty and stuff….only to find out that the instructor that was supposed to be taking the class wasnt there! The other instructor showed up without his training suit, and asked if I would take the class for him because he had an exam tomorrow.

I was fuming. I had told this guy that I didnt want to instruct anymore, because it kinda takes the fun out of training. Also, as an instructor you cant take part in the activities in the class because you have to act as an observer for insurance reasons. But I couldnt say no to this guy. I was the highest grade there and I was in my full training suit. So I barked orders at a class of 6 for 2 hours. My vocal cords got a great workout, but most I physically got was 15 minutes of jogging at the start of the class.

So I was really bummed at the end of the class. My boyfriend was in the class (I really dont like having to instruct him now!) and he just kept smiling at me because he knew I didnt want to take the class!

Kinda know why I’ve been feeling so moody sso frequently these days. Normally I get down maybe once a month or so…but havent been feeling right so the past few weeks this time. I think it’s lack of sleep. I’m only getting about 4 or 5 hours of really broken sleep a night, when I need a good solid 7 hours sleep to feel any way normal. It’s my stupid nose thats keeping me awake. The steroid hasnt started to work yet (doctor said it could take up to 4 weeks to see a difference)…..and I’ve been told to stop using my “miracle” spray that used to free up my nose before bedtime.

So I’m exhausted at the minute. And no matter how tired I get, I still cant get proper sleep. Feel like just peeling this nose from my face and taking a big, deep breath in…something I havent been able to do in over a year and half!

So hope everyone’s having a good day!

 Oh on a positive note…..I’m liking this slimfast diet! I’m having a shake in the morning, a small banana for midmorning break, a meal bar for lunch, and apple for midafternoon break and then a proper dinner in the evening………all that only makes up about 1030cal so I can even have a small snack before I go to bed. I like the structure to it. And I’m even moving out of my comfort zone of chicken and veg for dinner, and trying new receipes and loving them! This week I’ve had chicken and aubergine gratins (only 320cal!), a homemade prawn and pesto pizza (400cal!) and last night I made up a prawn salad with the rest of the mozzerella and ricotta cheese…….it was gorgeous, and only about 350cal!

I’m liking my food right now and that’s a 1st!

I just had one there in my room after having a chat with my boyfriend. It was an accumulation of alot of crap that happened today…and at 10pm it all just got a bit too much and I had a silent cry for myself in my bedroom…and then I came on here to see if writting about it would make me feel a bit better.

 First thing this morning I went for my run….but the gym was too hot. Air conditioning wasnt on and the stupid instructor kept closing the windows when we opened them. I made myself run the 10km, but I did not feel good after. I didnt even feel like havng my shake for breakfast, but knew I had to have it. Got to work and found out I’d be covering reception 1-2pm and would have to take my lunch at 2pm instead…so was prepared to feel ravenous before I got home for lunch.

But, funnily enough after a chat with my Mom in the morning I was more furious than ravenous come 2pm. Last week when I told her I got into college she on one hand said congratulations, but on the other hand also kept asking me if I was sure “this” time that this course was what I wanted. I told her last week that I was positive, and for the 1st time I wasnt going to listen to anyone elses opinions on the matter and just do what I wanted to do.

So today she phoned and said that she had looked into grants for my return to college. To the casual observer, this wold appear to be a caring, mother-type thing to do. But, I had already told her last week that I had researched this option and that I was not eledgable for any return to college grants (because I’m going back part time and to a private college). She then kept at me until I had a bit of a panic attack about how I’m going to fund this for 4 years. Even now I can feel myself welling up…………….damn it, I’m 25years old. THat woman shouldnt be able to make me feel this crappy.

So when I got home this evening, I was looking forward to my boyfriend coming over….just to have someone with me so I didnt feel so alone, and so I couldnt have a melt down. But at 9pm he phoned and said that he wouldnt be able to make it over…spent too long in the gym. I had already texted him earlier today to tell him what happened with Mom. I just got really angry on the phone. He had never heard me so cross before. And it made me more angry when he tried to calm me down. And then I got really upset and said I’d see him tomorrow.

So here I am….in my bedroom…blogging my little heart out, and cryng like a baby to myself so my housemates dont hear me. I;m just sick of it all. I’m sick of feeling this bad. I’m sick of letting that woman make me feel so bad about myself and doubt myself so much. In a way, I just want a break from everything and everyone. I want to shut myself off for a while so I dont have to deal with myself or reality in general. Not a possibility I know…… but I can wish.

I’m away to bed now. Hopefully I’ll feel a bit better tomorrow. Nite

just a quick one for today.

 It was the bank holiday weekend here this weekend so had no work today. Went out last night with a few from work and a girl I used to work with when I worked in Curves. Oh sweet Lord…it was a mad night. Didnt get home until 5am this morning. Ended up in a night club I havent been in in aaaaages. Was such craic. Ended up jiving by the bar with one lad we met in a pub beforehand. People we’re staring a bit, its not every night you see two jiving to pop music in a club! It was my Dad who taught me to jive. We used to dance in the kitchen whenever a tune was on the radio. Still do whenever I go home!

So today I slept it in untl 2pm! It was agorgeous day out, but I was way to knackered to do anything. But my boyfriend’s on his way back to Dublin and he said that if he’s back around 8pm we’ll go out for a walk. FInger’s crossed.

Oh for everyone who was asking me about my fiber suppliment, it’s called “Fibre Sure”. It’s definately keeping me regular and i’m only takng it once or twice a day. Working wonders so it is!

Well, it’s back to work for me tomorrow…..roll on the next bank holiday weekend in June! Oh and I’m booking my holiday to Sardinia on Thurday once I figure out my anual leave this summer. Myself and my boyfriend are heading off for our 1st proper holiday away. Just the 2 of us. Cant wait!

So with all my disorganised eating over the past 2 weeks, I’ve managed to get myself back to squareone diet-wise. I’ve decided to do slimfast until I get past 130lbs. It’s just to get me over this initial diet period, because I really have to lose another stone before I’ll feel happier about myself and how I look. At least, with this plan, I know exactly how many calories I’m taking in at every meal and with my snacks. It’s so much more organised and controlled, and I need that right now. I;ve also started taking a fibre suppliment…it’s like this powder you put into water 3times a day. It’s got no taste…but it’s working wonders with my digestion and my apetite.

So today has been going pretty well. Was feeling kinda sorry for myself earlier on. No one around. But then I got off my butt and walked to the bottle bank to recycle all the glass in the house (lots and lots of bottles!) and then I went for a walk down to the supermarket and did my weekly food shop. And then I got back to the house and cleaned our kitchen from top to bottom. It took me over an hour and half to get it clean….my housemates are a bit disgusting. Last time the kitchen floor was washed was when I did it……before Christmas! EUgghh. My socks were sticking to the floor this morning so I knew it was time. Told my female housemate that it really cant get to that state ever again. But she’s a really dity, lazy person, so I guess I’ll be doing the same clean in a months time. I’m not putting myself through that workout on a more regular basis! Im a bit surprised though that my Italian housemate let it get that bad though….he’s a food scientist…and he loves cooking. Dont know how he could stand to cook in a kitchen as bad as it was.

Anyway. My boyfriend finally got to do his parachute jump today…..after waiting around 7 months to do it! Got a text from him a few moments ago…all it said was “Deadly Buzz”. So I presume he survived it! Cant wait for him to get back to Dublin on Monday!

So…this time around I am doing absolutely NOTHING to jeprodise my weight loss. Nothing. I have even decided to give up my wine, because I’m more likely to call Dominos after a glass or three. This will be really tough when I go out socialising with my boyfriend and his friends. He doesnt like it when all I ask for is water, because he says it makes him look “cheap” around his friends. How daft is that? So I’ll order “sparkling” water when we’re out…..costs as much practically as a regular alcoholic drink! Then he shouldnt feel as bad!

Hope yer all having a great weekend!

I got a new laptop! It’s a cute, white sony laptop. But better still….I’m able to check up on all my buddies at the weekend for the 1st time in 2 weeks! And I’m delighted to see that everyones having a good one so far.

 My good news is….

I

Got

Accepted

In

To 

My

College

Course

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

1st people I told were my boyfriend, sisters, Dad and my Mom. Mom phoned me back to give me grief, asking me if I was sure that THIS time this was what I wanted to do (I’ve already done physiotherapy, qualified with my degree but never worked as a fully qualified physio). Screw that………I;ve been talking about wantin to do psychology for the past 4 years. Told her that the last tme in college, my biggest mistake was listening to people tellng me to stay in college and get my degree (that’s what she and Dad would tell me when I would tell them tht I didnt want to do the course). This time, I was listening to myself. In the back of my mind though I was thinkng that it was none of her concern what I did, because I’d be putting myself through college this time.

So…..I may have gotten bad news about my laptop last week….but this was the best news I could have gotten!

I’ve the weekend to myself and dont know what to do with my time. My boyfriend’s in Kerry becasue it’s his Mom’s birthday on Sunday and has a parachute jump on Sunday morning. I’m at a loss what to do with myself. Housemates are gone out for the night and I’m by myself watchin the tv. Feeling a bit like billy-no-mates………think I’ll take myself off to bed a bit early.

yesterday I got a call from the computer place and they said that my computer was not salvagable. To fix it would cost as much as the laptop 1st day, so there was no point. All my photos….gone. All my music….gone. But it’s ok, once my bebo page and ipod dont crash!

So because I dont have a computer in the house anymore, I had to do my weigh in for the weight loss challenge this morning….and I’ve gained 2lbs. I’m back to where I was when I 1st joined this site. I can honestly say that I dont feel discouraged, or cross, or anything really. I’m totally numb at the minute. But I’m glad I dont feel any emotions right now. Because if I did, I probably wouldnt have been able to get up this morning or function in work. Still not 100% myself. Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow.

This morning I got up, and felt a bit stiff after the run yesterday. The stairs was painful! But realising that it was only lactic acid in my muscles, I gto back on the treadmill and ran another 10.5km before work. It was easier today than yesterday to do it.

Last night my boyfriend came over and he was all out of sorts. Kids in his school were acting the maggot and driving him insane. He’s got a short fuse at the best of times, but he really dint look right when he came over. Turns out that in the last week, a kid let off tear gas in his classroom with his 7 month pregnant teacher in it. When the teacher left the room to complain to the principle, she was told to get back to her class! Needless to say she didnt, and the kid was expelled. My boyfriend said that they’ll end up taking the kid back though.

Another day this week, a kid kicked a stone at another kid and broke a window by my boyfriend. He started giving out to the lad with another teacher nearby….and then the two of them were verbally abused by about 4 other kids who decided to get in on the action. One of these kids tried to punch my boyfriend before, but he was able to defend himself.

And the straw that broke the camel’s back for him, was that 2 of his best students are starting to slide downhill. One of the girl’s has had her mother just run out on her family, and she’s left looking after her brothers and Dad…she’s only 16 or 17 and has her Leaving Cert (exam to get into college) this year. She was an honours student, but now she could be dropping to pass. Her attitude has totally changed, and that’s really disapointed my boyfriend.

So I sat there last night and all I could do was hug him. He was beyond angry….he was just so upset and physically drained from the week. I didnt know what else to do. But I got a text from him this morning saying he felt so much better after coming over, so that was good. At least it’s the Bank Holiday weekend, and he’ll have a break from the school until next Tuesday.

right so, I’m going to read some blogs and break the bad news to Kama and Molly about my weight